Random · Thoughts

can someone tell me: Where are we going as a human race? What do you think? Take a moment out of your busy day and try to reflect on that very small question that we always try to avoid. What am I doing with my life as an individual?

We live in a society that is becoming increasingly built up on emptiness, vagueness, superficiality and jealousy. At one point it will be just like putting a needle in that inflated balloon and we will all explode. Either everyone is blind, or just playing dumb, or maybe I, myself, am from another planet! You figure it out!!!

I do hope someone has the guts to pick up the pieces when things do explode. I understand your frustration. "I can't do anything", or "I can't help", is what most of us will say. But sitting crossed legged and armed is NOT the answer either.

In my opinion, my generation, and I am just 30something, seems to have given up. Perhaps yes, perhaps no! You can be the judge. Many of us are still dwelling on events that happened to us at a young age. We try to help ourselves, but sometimes scars are deep inside of us and it is hard to accept and forgive, and just let go in order to move on. Live your life in the present moment and to your full potential. Life is complicated enough as it is. Really think and be honest about it! I'd hate to believe that our generation has just given up. It just shouldn't be the case.

How about our government? Show me one government that is really HONEST and that is working for the benefit of the human race and not for its own individual political interests. Now the new wave is large corporations starting to show their true colors by making the lives of their employees and shareholders miserable, with the latest stock market scams and a diversion from the true facts. We will then start seeing a shift from scams and the economy to talk of wars. At the end the rich stay rich and the rest GOD will bless them.

It is funny, and what fascinates me about our politicians is one thing. you will see them holding a bible in one hand and their wife's hand in the other. They are followed by their children on their way to church to pray, and for the press to see. Pray for what! Forgiveness, or showing off as good guys under the umbrella of the Free World or the Capitalistic world. I bet you that deep inside that politician he or she will feel a deep, but vague, sense of emptiness regardless of how much money or prestige that they have. They must have an overwhelming EGO.

As we may have already discovered, our society is lead by governments, and religious leaders. We as humankind have been regressing for many years. Now with all of the technological nonsense we now have we are still not doing anything to change it. For you and I to make any sense out of this, let's go back to the foundation of things. Are you ready to listen, if so let's talk?

You might have enough baggage or scars from your own experiences so that you become numb and care less about what is going on around you. In my opinion, you can make all the difference in the world. Just stand up and start to care about yourself first, and then for the Human Souls in your surroundings. Things have to start somewhere, which begins with YOU and ME as individuals. When we aren't doing anything about our own circumstances, and the environment, then nothing is going to change. Don't get me wrong here. Don't protest and brake windows and hurt each other because that's not the answer either. When you do not love yourself, and then do not expect anyone to love you. Start by treating people around you as Souls and NOT as a nationality, ethnic group or part of some kind of a status structure.

Life can be very simple. We are a species that knows best on how to complicate issues for capital gain. Generation, after generation, come and go and always seem to leave us with some new misery, hate, frustration, anger. We keep passing those negative qualities to the next generation. This is unfortunate but it is a fact of life. Please correct me if I am wrong. I might be stupid, but I am not blind. I see what's around me, even with my eyes closed. All our technology is worth nothing, if our values in life have no value in our mind. Our respect of another human Soul seemingly has no respect to that Soul unless it belongs to the same religious group or its community. But even inside this group or religion we can see envy, jealousy, talking behind each other's back, and being two faced about it.

They are many famous and influential people out there that are trying to do something to bring some awareness to themselves and to other people in the process, and that is much appreciated. We need more people like that. My concern at the moment is the new generation being brought up now, and what examples we are giving them to set strive for in their lives. Well, we are giving them cheaper drugs (in some cases cheaper than a pack of cigarettes in some countries), we are giving them video games that help them waste their time and their brain. We are giving them magazines with pictures of beautiful models that have probably been manipulated with new technologies to make them appear perfect.

You often see this in teen magazines, and other reputable magazines. On one hand they are sending a subliminal message, through the words in their articles, to treat yourself well, love your body, be good to yourself and then in the same magazine they show beautiful models for a perfume advertisement or other product, with a conflicting set of subliminal messages attached. Does the scent of a perfume change if worn by someone who has an extra 5 or 20 lbs? Or must you be a model for it to smell right? Well, if I were in the shoes of that young woman, I would already be confused from this mixed message. I'd be depressed and feel a need to stay focused on losing weight and doing something about myself to keep up with these models. Can anyone tell me what is really going on here?

I am going to be honest with you. You may agree or disagree, you decide. I can see that you have already formulated an idea about me in your head, but this is not my concern right now. My concern is to stop playing with the lives of this new generation and to start doing our share in putting values back on-track. Who else will be putting values back to their rightful place, our religious representatives, or other leaders? I think not, religions are too busy fighting each other. The concern of our leaders in government is their own chauvinistic attitudes and inflated Ego's. We are in trouble people! We need to put pressure on the religious leaders and the government, and stop buying the products that you or your family find offensive to you. Stop trying to fit the image that they are dictating, or expecting of you. Just be yourself, otherwise you are going to stay miserable for whatever changes you made to your body or yourself. The changes you make have to be what is right for you, and not done just to cater to what the going fashion is. It does not mean if a celebrity wears something, that you need to wear it. It might not fit your style or suit you. After all, you are who you are, and you cannot change that in an instant regardless what you do. Be happy with the person you are and treasure what you represent and the value you bring to your surroundings.

We live in a world dictated by power, whether we like it or not. This world is motivated by money, power, greed and more money. All this does is cause manipulation, aggression, chaos and for us to live in an illusionary society. We call ourselves a wise species, advanced human beings, but all of this is inflicted in the lives of some young human Souls that will be suffering the consequences of our wrongdoing. The message in some magazines is noble but their advertisements only create CONTRADICTION and eliminate their good messages. And for what really, and to what extent they will go? Is it about ratings of the magazine? Why do we contradict ourselves as individuals or collectively? Who will be paying the price? Is it our next generation? Can anyone enlighten me?

Lets look at the word 'contradiction' together and what it really means to us as individuals and as a society on the whole. The question comes back to me, "What are you doing with, your life?" Nothing, just being glued to your TV set and getting wasted? Please take charge of your life and create a better destiny for yourself before it is too late.

What is 'contradiction' in my own mind's dictionary?

Contradiction is the art of saying one thing and doing another that negates your message in a direct or an indirect way. This is the most simplistic definition. I will give you a very simple example here — you buy your Lotto ticket every day but you keep saying I will NEVER win the Lottery. If you are buying in order to win but telling yourself that you won't, you are contradicting what you are doing, or what your initial intent was. Just look at your day-to-day actions and see how many contradictions you experience in just one day! Listen to the way you talk! Watch the way the government, politicians, or religious leaders talk! See for yourself how many times they contradict themselves. We live in a world full of contradictions and we are hitting a dead end! If you are interested in reading more of these ramblings let me know otherwise I will leave it at this. Look into yourself and be honest with what you see. Ask yourself what am I doing and how can I better myself and the world around me. Am I making a positive change and setting examples for my kids my friends the next generation or am I just surviving? I hope that you my dear friends have a wonderful week-end!

So I've come to the realization that the reason I am down is because I have nobody to share my life with aside from my dear friends here at LJ. That sounds so sad but I am truly grateful for all of you and you know who you are. I've been thinking lately about why things are the way there are, here is what I came up with. I feel as though I am married to my work for one. I love my job so much that I put in between 60 - 70 hrs per week, is that healthy? I also don't trust people for the simple reason that I've been hurt and taken advantage of one too many times as most of you all have. I wonder if I dive into work so much to avoid life and people what do you think? After taking a week off to reflect on my past, present, and future I see that I am possibly too involved with everyone elses life and problems. It's not that I have all the answers but I love to be there to lean on and offer an ear when needed. Do you think that maybe I should back off a little bit and stop worrying about everyone else before myself? I think that when I work so much and keep people at arms length in some weird way I am in control and it's like I have this wall that can't be broken through by anyone and that bothers me (The control issue)I was once not to long ago engaged to the woman I thought was my soul mate only to find out she was the mate of at least three others including my best man lol... I am still paying off the bill for that five year mistake. I knwo they say that time heals all wounds, the question I have is does time also make the scars disappear? I want so bad to trust people as well as find someone to share my life with it is killing me. I am not talking marriage but just someone to talk to you, cook for and spend quality time with. I read all of your journals and to be honest it makes me sad at times. What I mean is that I read about all your problems some petty and others very serious, I often sit and think that I would love to have someone in my life that I had these kind of problems. It gets old coming home alone every night going to bed and waking every morning alone. I have my horses and dogs ect but that only goes so far. The nightlife that all my co-workers see is so old lol.. you can only be the life of the party for so long before it starts to slowly kill you from the inside out. One night stands used to be fun but now I want more. Does anyone have any idea's or suggestions how you go from being married to your work and hiding to coming out of your shell and giving people a chance? This is something that I have been battling for a long time and trying to deal with on my own, as most of you know by now I failed that test as I was gone for a week feeling sorry for myself. If anyone has any input please feel free to chime in as I value each and everyone of my friends opinion. I love you all and pray that you have a great Thursday. Know that if you ever need me I am here for you don't ever be afraid to reach out for help. Ok enough of the woe is me crap. I promise my next post will be from that evil twin of mine.... the happy go lucky, the world is wonderful, and life is great guy. Take care hugs to all my blessed friends.

Well for once I've nothing interesting to report lol. I know thats hard to believe when it comes to me, I always have something to bitch about. The day was like any other stayed up too late only got 2 hrs sleep before being back at work grrr. I know I know I do it to myself so I need to stop complaining. Aside from work as usual I am still single looking for the meaning of life. You know the whole who, what, where, when and most of all WHY ME? Anyway I am just sitting here thinking about all the great friends I've met through LJ and I want you all to know how thankful I am for you. I feel as though I've been blessed in so many ways. I'm not sure why I felt the need to express that but it's just one of those things I felt you all needed to know! Have a great day my friends maybe tomorrow I will have something good to post! :o)

My Tuesday rant is more of a tribute, a tribute to the nice guys. The nice guys that finish last, that never become more than friends, that endure hours of whining and bitching about what assholes guys are, while disproving the very point. This is dedicated to those guys who always provide a shoulder to lean on but restrain themselves to tentative hugs, those guys who hold open doors and give reassuring pats on the back and sit patiently outside the changing room at department stores. This is in honor of the guys that obligingly reiterate how cute/beautiful/smart/funny/sexy their female friends are at the appropriate moment, because they know most girls need that litany of support. This is in honor of the guys with open minds, with laid-back attitudes, with honest concern. This is in honor of the guys who respect a girl’s every facet, from her privacy to her theology to her clothing style. This is for the guys who escort their drunk, bewildered female friends back from parties and never take advantage once they’re at her door, for the guys who accompany girls to bars as buffers against the rest of the creepy male population, for the guys who know a girl is fishing for compliments but give them out anyway, for the guys who always play by the rules in a game where the rules favor cheaters, for the guys who are accredited as boyfriend material but somehow don’t end up being boyfriends, for all the nice guys who are overlooked, underestimated, and unappreciated, for all the nice guys who are manipulated, misled, and unjustly abandoned, this is for you.This is for that time she left 40 urgent messages on your cell phone, and when you called her back, she spent three hours painstakingly dissecting two sentences her boyfriend said to her over dinner. And even though you thought her boyfriend was a chump and a jerk, you assured her that it was all ok and she shouldn’t worry about it. This is for that time she had to call someone (you) to rant about a rumor that romantically linked her and the guy she thinks is the most repulsive person in the world. And even though you thought it was immature and you had nothing against the guy, you devoted two hours of your night and helped her concoct a counter-rumor to spread around the floor. This is also for that time she didn’t have a date, so after numerous vows that there was nothing “serious” between the two of you, she dragged you to a party where you knew nobody, the beer was awful, and she flirted shamelessly with you, justifying each fit of reckless teasing by announcing to everyone: “oh, but we’re just friends!” And even though you were invited purely as a symbolic warm body for her ego, you went anyways. Because you’re nice like that.The nice guys don’t often get credit where credit is due. And perhaps more disturbing, the nice guys don’t seem to get laid as often as they should. And I wish I could logically explain this trend, but I can’t. From what I have observed and what I have learned from talking to friends, the only conclusion I can form is that many girls are just illogical, manipulative bitches. Many of them claim they just want to date a nice guy, but when presented with such a specimen, they say irrational, confusing things such as “oh, he’s too nice to date” or “he would be a good boyfriend but he’s not for me” or “he already puts up with so much from me, I couldn’t possibly ask him out!” or the most frustrating of all: “no, it would ruin our friendship.” Yet, they continue to lament the lack of datable men in the world, and they expect their too-nice-to-date male friends to sympathize and apologize for the men that are jerks. Sorry, guys, girls like that are beyond my ability to fathom. I can’t figure out why the connection breaks down between what they say (I want a nice guy!) and what they do (I’m going to sleep with this complete ass now!). But one thing I can do, is say that the nice-guy-finishes-last phenomenon doesn’t last forever. There are definitely many girls who grow out of that train of thought and realize they should be dating the nice guys, not taking them for granted. The tricky part is finding those girls, and even trickier, finding the ones that are single. So, until those girls are found, I propose a toast to all the nice guys. You know who you are, and I know you’re sick of hearing yourself described as ubiquitously nice. But the truth of the matter is, the world needs your patience in the department store, your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile. For all the crazy, inane, absurd things you tolerate, for all the situations where you are the faceless, nameless hero, my accolades, my acknowledgement, and my gratitude go out to you. You do have credibility in this society, and your well deserved vindication is coming. Keep on keeping on guys. Ladies, I am sorry if this provokes some thought or even anger in you, but if you are experiencing these feelings then maybe just maybe you need to re-think who you are surrounding yourself with and why? Have a wonderful week. Just so you all know this is not about any one person in my life, it's about my life in general and all the other lives of the "nice guy".

I almost forgot about my Monday morning rant! What the heck was this weekends NFL about or NCAA for that matter? I put in my picks for the winning games this weekend and well I guess the teams forgot that they are playing for me and its all about me and my needs lol.. Needless to say I got schooled like a virgin on prom night lmao.... bad analogy sorry but its true. I missed half of my picks from stupid teams deciding to make the game interesting at the last minute. Don't even get me started on the NCAA what the heck is this with the Ducks the best team in the NCAA in my opinion lol lol... How do we go into a post season bowl berth with no quarterback? Kellen Clemens fractured his left ankle and now out for the rest of the season grrrrr. I think the football Gods are out to get me. Why me what did I ever do hmmm....The only good thing about the weekend was the World Series hmm now we have game can't wait to see what will happen when we get to Houston... Ok I am done for now just had to vent and finish pissing off the Gods loll... Than you for letting me vent ha ha ha ha....

Dear friends,
I am back and so very sorry for my abrupt departure. Have you ever found yourself in a position that the world is moving so fast you can't keep up? I won't write much this time around as I am still getting my thoughts together. I will say that as of late the pressures of life really took their toll on me. I found myself questioning my everyday thoughts and activites. I was drinking too much staying up too late, no sleeping enough and worst of all allowing all this to get in the way of my job performance to the point that it was in jepordy. I took a very unexpected vacation asked myself some very hard questions and took a long hard look in the mirror. Needless to say I did not like the answers I was giving, nor did I like the person looking back at me in the mirror. I think I have a better understanding of me now and if it is possible, I have a better understanding of my world. For the longest time I was a people pleaser, I did everything for everyone not setting aside time for ME or for my needs. I put the e-brake on came to a skidding stop and whoa here I am lol. From this point forward I am going to slow down stop worrying about what everyone thinks about me or needs from me. I am going to devote more time to ME and getting my life back on track. Part og my personal therapy is admitting that I have a problem yes I know that is a little cleshea but its the truth I see where I have gone wrong and I know that if I want to pull out of this I need to start turning to other people for help I can't do it all by myself any longer. The world is too heavy to carry on my shoulders alone. Well I will leave it al that for now. Most of you that know me already have a pretty good idea of what I am referring to when I talk about about my problems and the pressures of the world so I ask from those people to say a happy thought for me today. I am so blessed to be back and have friends like all of you... Thank you! I will write more later today or maybe tomorrow, lets just see how today turns out. Thank you for taking the time to read about this lost searching soul. Have a wonderful day and know that you are in my thoughts and prayers today and everyday.

Dear friends,
Just a quick note letting you all know that today I've got so many things on my plate that I most likely will not be making a journal post today. Keep an open eye though because you never know with me. In case I don't have the opportunity to post or respond to you, have a fantastic day and know that your are warmly thought of and truly missed today.

Always remember: Don't be afraid to go after what you want to do, and what you want to be. But don't be afraid to be willing to pay the price. That is a quote from a real hero of mine. ~Lane Frost~ R.I.P

This is a true story about a recent wedding that took place at Clemson University. It was in the local newspaper and even Jay Leno mentioned it.It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding. He especially wanted to thank the bride's and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception. As a token of his deep appreciation he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So taped to the bottom of everyone's chair, including the wedding party, was a manila envelope. He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them to open their envelope. Inside each manila envelope was an 8x10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man. The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them. After just standing there, just watching the guests' reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, "F--- you!". Then he turned to his bride and said, "F--- you!" Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, "I'm outta here." He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning. While most people would have canceled the wedding immediately after finding about the affair, this guy goes through with the charade, as if nothing were wrong.

His revenge...making the bride's parents pay over $32,000 for a 300 guest wedding and reception, and best of all, trashing the bride's and best man's reputations in front of 300 friends and family members. This guy has balls the size of church bells. Do you think we might get a MasterCard "priceless" commercial out of this? Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends...$32,000. Wedding photographs commemorating the occasion...$3,000. Deluxe two week honeymoon accommodations in Maui...$8,500. The look on everyone's face when they see the 8x10 glossy of the bride humping the best man...Priceless. There are some things money can't buy; for everything else there's MASTERCARD!!!

Please accept my apology now because I don't normally post jokes on here. Although when a good one does come around you just have to pass it along. I was laughing so hard I think I had tears in my eyes. Enjoy the rest of your day my friends. :o)

Well it's Monday morning and I so don't want to be here at work. Don't get me wrong I love my job and what I do, I just am not in the mood today lol. I had a great weekend and if you are reading this, I hope you had one as well! Since I have to get up every night at 12:30 am for work I don't get but maybe 2-3 hrs of sleep a day. So I got off work Friday ran some errands did some shopping lord knows I needed some new clothes ha ha ha. Anyway I went to bed late Friday night but made up for it by sleeping in till 10:00 am on Saturday yeah me.... I woke up just in time for College football woohoo. My favorite team of course is the Oregon Ducks... GO DUCKS! yes... they won against Washington 45-21 and now there tied for second place in the pac 10 conference and ranked 15th in the Nation! I also watched the biggest game of the day, USC and Notre Dame and I have to give a big thumbs up to Notre Dame I really thought they would pull off the win. Sad as it is they lost 34-31 with a touchdown by USC with 3 seconds on the clock GRRRR... I think that USC should be kicked out of the NCAA seeing as they are more like a NFL team lol.. Any way rather than go on and put you to sleep I'll stop there. Sunday was the same as Saturday slept in again spent the whole day on the couch watching NFL woohoo sometimes it's great being single! After the games on Sunday I went to the gym and worked out for about 2 hrs and then went for a swim not very exciting but hey you have to do it ya know. I got home and decided I was going to BBQ got some real nice steaks out and had potato's ready for baking, beer on ice. I swear I must have gone through 50 friends Sunday night trying to get someone to come over and all were busy or too tired lol.. so SCREW them ha ha ha just kidding, but I did say that under my breath and yes in case you are wondering I did have the BBQ with my best friend... My dog Abby she loved the steak said it was the best she ever had! Then alas time for a movie on pay per view, I bought that new movie Sahara FANTASTIC movie that is a must see...That aside was my big mistake for the night the movie started at 8:00 and was over at like 10:15 so I got to bed around 10:45 and I wanted to scream or maybe cry when my alarm clock went off at 12:30 and that brings us to the close of one week and the start of another. I am sorry if this was just a ramble of meaningless thoughts but hey we can't be insightful and provocative or interesting everyday for that matter. I wish all my friends the best of weeks.. I'll see ya tomorrow same time same bat channel.

I'm not sure if anyone reads my journal or not but hey it's a great place for me to vent. So maybe by some chance someone does read this I would appreciate some feed back on this problem I am having. I'll try and make a long story as short as possible. I have brother that is four years older than me. Most of my life he has been in and out of trouble, can't seem to hold a job, kept getting evicted from his houses and always looking for a hand out. He has been married for 15 years and his wife is a real class act...Liar, cheat, drug user and sad as it is a mother to my nephew and niece. Now I was under the impression that the older sibling was the one who is supposed to guide the younger on the paths of life and set the example? Well I am the one that has always had to bail him out of all his troubles, from bail to rent. So lets fast forward several years to 2001. When I took this job offer at the Radio network I am with now he was in the process of being evicted yet again. He asked for my help "Again" so I decided to give them one last shot at making it and doing something right for their kids. I had already bought another house about an hour and a half away and relocated while my first house was up for sale. I let my Brother and his family move in and buy the place from me. I wrote up a contract and did everything the right way so I thought. We agreed that he will pay me the house payment every month and I would take care of the taxes and upkeep ect. Well it has been four years now and he has yet to make a payment on time, usually I see about half the payment around the end of the month and sometimes not even that. He always has an excuse or a reason why he can't pay me. Well the house is still in my name so that means I have to make the payment on two house now (GRRR)My question to you is when is enough enough? When do I say I am done? I feel so bad because of my nephew and niece, why should they be on the street or suffer from their mom and dads crap. I don't know what to do, I am so tired of supporting myself and a family of four. I think I am going to go postal if this does not come to an end but they are family and I did get myself into this. Would I be wrong by evicting them and putting them on the street? I am sure that it would split my family up and turn them against me. My mom always tells me "be patient with them they are trying" Is it my fault that I am the only one the graduated hight school or college for that matter? Is it my fault I have a great job and make good money? Why should I have to be patient with them when all they do is lie to me and cheat me. I am so tired of of being taken advantage of but I don't know how to stop it. Is it worth tearing a family apart for my own sanity and happiness or should I just suck it up and accept that fact my brother is a loser and take care of him and his family? Anyone have any ideas I sure could use them.